Forever 31

Tomorrow I’m turning 32. So yesterday I was trying to write a new post to share with you today. A post about gratefulness, hope, future goals and all that other optimistic bullshit. “Bullshit??” you might ask. Yes. Because I just can’t pretend to be all jolly and cheerful, when in fact I feel torn apart between feeling lucky and terribly sad.

Don’t get me wrong. I truly feel like a lucky bastard to be able to celebrate my birthday tomorrow. I came too close to staying 31 forever, and knowing that my family was preparing to take me home in a coffin last summer, gives me the chills. Therefore I will never complain about aging ever again.

Grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging boobs,

I’ll take it all!

But celebrating my birthday with only 1 leg for the first time naturally evokes a whole new world of emotions. I went through some 2 legged pictures of myself yesterday, and it felt like looking at old pictures of someone I have loved so much, and lost without saying goodbye. Of course deep down I’m still that girl, but I have to admit, my world is still upside down, and I don’t know (yet) how to put it back together.

That being said, I still want to tell you how hard I, besides feeling lucky and sad, believe that everything will turn out fine in the end. Because even though I’m still picking up the pieces and figuring out my plan for the future, I’ll never give up. No matter how much I miss my left leg, no matter how excruciating the pain is and no matter how exhausted I am. I won’t give up. And I know that everyone who reads this, is fighting their own battles, big or small. So despite all the happy faces on social media, I know we are all survivors in our own way. And as long as we are brave, we are winning.

So, 32 right? Damn straight.